Setting boundaries enables us to live lives of fulfillment, happiness and freedom. So, why do we struggle to set them? Why do we put ourselves second to everyone for the sake of preserving their feelings? Choosing to care for other people’s feelings often times means that you are choosing not to care for your own. Here’s how to be better at setting necessary boundaries in your life and getting to the nitty gritty as to why it’s so hard to do so.
Whenever I come across the same issue with different people whether that be a client, friend or family member I take it as a sign that many people are struggling with this.
Over the past week I had 3 conversations about boundaries and the issue with women hesitating to set their own boundaries in fear of hurting the other person’s feelings.
After my conversations I realized that we bypass setting boundaries in every area of our lives, with our friends, our family, our jobs (especially with this new living at work situation), our romantic partners, and ultimately ourselves.
We don’t take the time to realize that we continuously choose everything and everyone but ourselves. For whatever reason, we believe that putting others first, regardless of the internal impact it has on us, is more important or more…”commendable.” News flash girl, what’s commendable is someone who knows how to take care of themselves, make sure that they are okay on the inside so they can fully pour into others. What’s commendable is someone who is living a fulfilled life because they choose themselves everyday and their fullness inspires others to be full.
If you don’t take the time to light your fire within how can you honestly light others? Think about it, one match can light a whole pack with ease but if you don’t take the time to strike that one and that one is trying to light the others without the fire it needs. And have you ever tried to strike two matches at once? It’s more difficult and unnecessary, the boundary must initially be set by keeping the other matches in the box, or in your boundaries, while you light the one match you need first.
So, before we get into setting boundaries let’s chat about why you might feel poorly about doing so....
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Peace and Love,