We know that things are not going to be normal when they open outside back up and it’s clear that everyone is going through a major change or shift during this period right? Well, maybe this is the time to really evaluate the people you surround yourself with and who you call “friends” I mean hell maybe this forced time apart will help you to realize that you’re inability to be alone is what was causing you to surround yourself with people who simply do not serve you.
I figured this would be the perfect time to outline some themes that can help you determine if that friend should actually just be an acquaintance by the time the quarantine is over. Here are some friendship themes that can help you evaluate the friendships you have in your life and if they need to be a part of your new normal.
1. Friendships are considered to exist when pleasure is taken in the company of another; when being with someone becomes a duty, rather than a preference, friendships begin to fizzle out. Do you ever feel like you have to kick it with someone out of obligation? Do you light up with excitement when their name comes across the screen or do you sit there and let it ring then proceed scrolling social media?
How the thought of a friend makes you feel is something to consider.
2. The construct of friendship implies reciprocity and give-and-take. This is not in the sense of an immediate even exchange, (although sending cash apps before they have to be requested does go a long way), it’s rather that support is expected to flow both ways as needs arise for either party. I have friends in my circle who provide different qualities that I appreciate. These qualities aren’t always necessary in my life but are implemented when necessary. Understanding what your friends bring to your life is important. Just as important as knowing what you bring to theirs.
3. Levels of friendship commitment vary over a lifetime, depending on the energy required by family or other commitments at the time. To expect your friends to give 100% commitment to you and your friendship is BRAZY and outlandish.
It boils down to this, when crisis strikes, can you count on your friends to offer support, regardless of any inconvenience or challenges they may face to do so.
4. We engage in friendships on a voluntary basis and we recognize that our friends are also making the choice to engage in the relationship. Nothing feels better than two people mutually wanting to be around one another. If by the end of this quarantine you are not eager to hang out with your so-called friends maybe they aren’t your friends at all.
5. Perhaps most importantly, genuine friendships will flourish only if mutual respect exists between friends. Are you uplifted and talked to respectfully by your friends? Are you eager to listen to what they have to say or are you dismissive? Make sure to gage not only if they show you respect but if you show them respect as well.
While we may be subject to zoom calls and like to talk to anyone at the moment because we are bored in the house and in the house bored,
make sure you use your time wisely to evaluate who you want to come with you into the new normal. It seems like the world is resetting. Make sure you’re resetting too.
We attach the world soulmate to a romantic partner but how romantical are friendships? Think about it… when it comes to our real friends, our true friends, the ones we choose for nothing more than who they are, time and time again; name a purer love than that. To choose and be chosen not for sex, money or status but to cultivate a space where love can be given, respect can be shared, and growth can be encouraged. A place where laughter is captured, tears are allowed to flow, and hugs feel like home. A place where secrets are kept safe and our passions are developed. Friends are our diaries in human form. If that is not a soulmate I’m not sure what is.
This week I affirm that I will have the discernment to mindfully surround myself with those with whom I have a mutual respect for, enjoy being around, and can cultivate a space for my authenticity and transparency.
With peace and much love,