Around & Within Episode 29
As a coach my favorite questions to ask people is what does your dream life look like? Describe your lifestyle. What are you doing on a day to day basis? What are you passionate about? I’m often met with things that align with a lifestyle that is levels above their current one. Being able to travel the world, work for themselves, affording a certain type of home having more time, etc. But when I bring it back to scale and encourage them to detail their job and career in comparison to the lifestyle they want to live… it doesn’t always add up. Especially with women.
You aren’t gong to be rewarded for letting everyone else go in front of you. You will simply be last in line.
Here’s what I mean, someone can easily detail their dream lifestyle where they travel, have the car, home, and freedom they want however, when I ask what they want to do and who do they want to service I’m typically met with “well, I want to help those in need, I want to do a charity service for the less fortunate, well I want to do this really creative thing but for people who are where I currently am financially… which is all well and good but the two lifestyles just don’t mix? I’m left confused and wondering how they see this working. I can’t help but to assume that we think that we can’t have the audacity to say what we really want to do or service or charge above a certain threshold or that we are doing a disservice to price out people that we want to help because it looks better for us and is more morally sound for us to help out those who may not be able to afford the high priced services we truly have to offer. Or, we think we are wrong for wanting to live that lifestyle to want all the nice things we think we have to humble ourselves because we can’t be THAT big or THAT successful.
It’s also been drilled in us not to be materialistic, want money but not too much, it’s not about the cars the shoes or the bags and yeah sure you’re right that’s not what life’s about life is about becoming your best self, helping others become their best selves building relationships and families leaving a mark on this world but dammit I’d like to do it in some Amina Muaddi heels, Prada bag, fe noel threads as I whip around in a G Wagon when I’m not traveling the world. I want both and it’s okay!
Not only do I think this overly humble mindset keeps the middle class in the middle I also saw this point on the internet somewhere, The more humble you act, the further away some happiness will be from you.
When I saw this it hit me like a ton of bricks I don’t know if I’ve seen more truer words. Humble by definition is Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.
From young ages we have been told to stay humble don’t be too braggadocios convincing ourselves that we are wrong for wanting a certain amount, we were called gold diggers even if we just expressed wanting a certain lifestyle. Now that we have the ability to create those lifestyles when we do, people put us down or make us feel like we are doing the most. I see it all the time on twitter… its exhausting. In turn we start to believe that we need to tone it down, keep it cute and be happy with what we get, We must find contentment with what is provided and make sure we put ourselves second to other people’s needs or else we are selfish. And to that I ask… what’s wrong with being selfish? When did selfishness get marketed as a bad thing? Here’s the thing, in this world we live in when it comes to your dreams, goals and lifestyle you have got to go get it and the only way you can do that is by putting yourself first aka being selfish. You are the most important person in your story. Everyone thinks they are the protagonist in their own story you may as well too. You aren’t gong to be rewarded for letting everyone else go in front of you. You will simply be last in line.
Now let’s circle back, I’m not saying not to help those less fortunate or help those who’s budget may be a little ABSOLUTELY do that! But be realistic about creating the lifestyle you want. If you want a life of freedom and the ability to have what you desire understand how much that cost and understand that you can come back to help those you want to help after you put yourself first and reach your goals. Here’s an example. Sara Blakely the creator of Spanx had a vision and a goal and priced Spanx from the jump at a higher price than all other hosier. Honestly, it was worth it. Did she want to make sure everyone was included?… sure, but did she want that more than her success… no? That meant that she marketed herself to a higher class of people. Then after Spanx had become successful someone came to her and said I love your product but I can’t afford it can you please make something for me she said of course and created a whole secondary line for women may not be able to afford Spanx but want to look good in their clothes too. The only way she was able to help everyone is if she helped herself first.
Peace and Much Love,