I met my friend at a tech company a couple of years back and from the jump we clicked. We really enjoyed working together, so much so that we decided to create our own app and website on the side. For the sake of remaining anonymous I will refrain from promoting it. It has been some years now that we have been working together and the work we do is great but I'm over it. I've been over it and I tried to tell him that I don't want to do this anymore but he always persuades me to stay. I'll be honest, this isn't easy work, it's not a one person job and I'm good at it. So as his friend knowing that he needs help I'm always sucked back into doing work that doesn't fulfill me and takes up a lot of my time. I had a conversation with him, a couple of months ago, about looking for another partner and like before, it did not go well. He was not trying to hear it but said he would put a job posting out. It's been some months now and nothing is posted. I don't want to leave my friend out to dry and I feel terrible about wanting to leave but I also want to do what's best for me. Another part of me is afraid that this will hurt the friendship and the last thing I want is to lose someone who I see as being really important in my life.
Am I wrong for wanting to leave? Should I just suck it up like I've been doing?
Thank you so much for reaching out!
First thing, don't ever feel terrible for your feelings. Your feelings are valid and you are not wrong for not wanting to do something even if that something is near and dear to your friend. Friendship does not require you to be subservient to their goals and dreams. I will admit, I too struggle with saying no in efforts to care for people's feelings... but what about your feelings? Why don't you hold your feelings and desires on the same level you hold others? I've done and and still sometimes do it but it's a question you must ask yourself to realize that you shouldn't.
If your friend loves you it means that he has to accept you with whatever it is that you decide to do. It can't be that he only loves you when because you partner with him. If that's the case it's not really love is it? Now that you've asked your self the tough questions I would recommend you going to your friend and first ask if they have posted anything for your position. If the answer is no, then reiterate how serious you are about leaving. (Give him a date so he knows it's real) Let him know that you love the time you both spend together and cherish the friendship but don't want to spend it doing the website and app. Say something along the lines of, I've been sticking it out for the sake of you and in efforts to be a good friend but this is not my passion and I need to focus on where I'm trying to go. If he tries to persuade you make sure you stand your ground and don't let him or anyone else make you feel bad for or persuade you out of putting yourself first.
I will leave you with this:
Growth comes when you begin to put yourself first. You can still care for others but not at the expense of where you are trying to go. True friends will understand and support you in this just like you support them.
Peace and Love,