I took my partner to jump out of a plane for his birthday. Okay, well, he drove the hour and a half outside the city to the location, but it was still my gift, lol. This has been on my bucket list since 2018, when I jumped out of my toxic relationship, an unfulfilled life, and chasing the status quo. While I’ve wanted to do it and promised myself to do it after having Maven, it took having a partner like Mahdi to give the final push into crossing it off the list…. Alright, enough intro. I don’t want this to be like a food blog when you’re looking for a recipe, and the blogger takes five paragraphs to tell you about how they used to eat hotdogs when they were seven.
The Nitty Gritty:
To start, we literally had to sign our lives away and watch a video about how we were signing our lives away. I’m talking “if you die due to gross negligence or human error, no one can sue us EVER” type jargon. NGL, it made us really decide to do it. By the time my diver I’d be in tandem with came over and told me he took his first jump in 1992, any nerves I had subsided. I think they knew to pair me with him because they paired Mahdi with a 24-year-old…
My heart stayed steady until about halfway up when my videographer looked out the window and said, this is only halfway :). I thought, now Morgan, what the fuck are we doing because we are HIGH and only getting higher? You could have bought this for Mahdi and stayed your ass on the ground. All the divers start to give each other handshakes that, according to them, mean “have fun, don’t die” now I’m thinking, "YOOOOOOO WTF?!"
Next thing you know, they open the door,
It’s cold.
My chatty videographer looks back at me and says never been on a plane with the door open, huh? Hahaha
Now we are moving. The other divers are moving out, and I’m watching them jump out. I see Mahdi getting ready to go. I’m the last one, so I have to watch everyone go EL OH EL. I start to feel my heart beating, my eyes are getting bigger, my legs are feeling a little numb, and I’m starting to say, "WOW, I’m really doing this!" I watch my chatty videographer hop out on the side of the plane like a kid climbing a fence while my tandem diver pushes me towards the edge. He yells over the loud engine and wind blowing past our faces, “We aren’t sitting down and falling out of the plane; we are going to jump!!”
The next moment was one of the most unforgettable moments of my life. It’s up there with my unmedicated labor and delivery, the moment I found out my brother died, the first time I orgasmed, or the first time I got drunk or high. It felt unfamiliar and out of control. For a second, my mind raced with trying to find ways to regain control (that was me dangling my feet subconsciously looking for the ground), then a second later, I realized Morgan! That’s the fun of it all! It’s the freedom of free-falling either to your death or a rejuvenated life. Enjoy it! A wave of fear, happiness, excitement, adrenaline, and calmness rushed over me in a way I had never felt.
When I was in elementary school, my biggest wish was to be able to fly. (I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado was at the top of the charts at the time, so don’t judge me) I got older and figured that wish was “unrealistic.” Then, on May 5, 2022, I did it! I flew and was sent back to being nine-year-old Morgan without a care in the world except to fly like a bird. I screamed to the top of my lungs until the parachute was released, and we took our time floating down to the ground. And while the harness was putting a lot of weight on my groins, I didn’t want to come down. I giggled the rest of the way as I tried to figure out how I could feel that alive for the rest of my life.
The landing was so smooth it exceeded my expectations, and that was my biggest concern, but I’ve personally gotten in the bed or plopped on the couch harder than we landed. In that final moment, I realized some things.
Let’s get Deep:
“We aren’t sitting down and falling out of the plane; we are going to jump!”
Sometimes in uncomfortable situations, the best thing to do is jump into it (or out of it in this case). So often, we try to ease into things as though that will change the discomfort. After our 6 am workouts in college, we as a team had to get into the cold tub. (to clarify for anyone new here, I played softball at Florida State. It was dope. I take lessons I’ve learned from athletics and apply them to life to share with you.) It was freezing every time. It never got easier, but by the time I was a senior, I knew that hopping into the tub as quickly as possible and submerging my whole body was better than dipping my toe to confirm the cold and slowly getting in.
Any accomplishment, massive life change, or loving myself more came AFTER a level of discomfort. Because our subconscious mind will do everything to protect us from any level of pain, we are left afraid and cautious of things that may help us or even free us. Sometimes when you ease into something, you are considering a way out, overthinking, and making the entire process more terrible than it has to be.
Now, while I jumped out of a plane, I did so hooked on someone who had been skydiving for as long as I’ve been alive, cherished his life, and we both made sure we were safe. In other words, JUMP but not without a parachute, not without a plan, not without some reason. When you take some time to prep for your jump, you can trust that you will land even if you don’t know how or where your landing will take place.
The landing was what I feared most. I wondered if it was going to hurt. Would we come down too hard and I break something or worse? Will Mahdi land okay? Once we were up and did everything we could to make sure we would land safely, I had to let go of that fear and trust that it would all work out. And like I said, I landed softly and better than I could have ever imagined. I can’t help but believe that if I prepare, jump, and let go of fear with everything in my life, I will land softly and better than I can imagine.
I wonder what will come of me jumping and feeling free every chance. What will I feel if I go after every possible opportunity and jump the moment I feel fear? We’ll see because I’m doing it! That’s where I’ve decided to live my life. In the jumps, right on the edge of fear and excitement, right in the space where I feel most alive.
I’ve replayed this video at least 150 times and will continue to play it the morning after morning to remind me what it felt like to be free and finally fly. I hope it inspires you to jump, if not out of a plane at least somewhere else in your life.
Peace and Much Love,
