A really close friend of mine recently experienced a still birth. We were all devastated. This was right after her baby shower and obviously unexpected. I'm there for her as much as I can be but I just found out that I'm pregnant. I have no idea how or when I should tell her. I want this to be an exciting time for me but I also want to be there for her. I don't want my pregnancy to trigger sadness for her but I know this is something I literally cannot run away from. What should I do.
Thanks for your help,
Hey there Emotionally Confused,
Whew chilaaayyyyy!! Girlfriend this is a tough one. Before I start congratulations to you, my condolences to her and everyone deals with their emotions differently. As someone who has been on the sadder side of this scenario I would recommend giving her some time to grieve. If she just lost her baby everything is triggering, social media, doctors appointments, her body, etc. Continue to be the best friend you can be for her. At the same time, be excited for yourself share the joy with your other friends and family. If you are in close proximity to her I would make the announcement to her when you are further along in your pregnancy and you are starting to show. At that time you can say something like, hey friend I wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant and really excited about it! I also love you and want to be the best friend to you that I can be. I don't want to share things that might be triggering or make you uncomfortable or sad but would love for you to be a part of this experience with me when you are ready. Your friend will probably surprise you with her excitement for you. While she is processing and grieving she still wants the best for you and your pregnancy. (well she should.. if she doesn't then email me back because that a whole separate issue) Ultimately, allow your friend to embrace this time in your life the way that it is best for her. If she decides to stay in the background know that it is not because she does not care but because she needs to care for her self first.
Maybe when you chat with her, give her my book Moon Fruit to help her during this time as a reminder that she is not alone and that everything will be okay.
Peace and Love,