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The Beginning of The End

As I enter into the last quarter of this decade in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I can’t help but to think about the first quarter of the 2010s. January 2010 was the beginning to what felt like the end. This decade that holds some of my lowest points of my life. I remember the feeling of coming off of the high of going to my dream school, accomplishing my goals and only knowing a life of joy and good fortune. Only to be met with the loss of my brother, Jacob. I learned the true feeling of grief. I understood what it felt to navigate life upside down. The numbness of it all put me in a place where I didn’t think about my future too afraid of what potential hurt could be around the corner. I found that around the corner was the grief of losing my son Malakhi and getting a divorce. I was met with learning that grief was not just for things you had and lost but for futures you hoped for but will never be. Nearing the end of this period of my life I feel the ascent to a peak. No longer afraid to peek around the corner instead turning it with fervency knowing that I can handle whatever is on the other side. I realize that life is not for preparing for the worst but living for the best. I see that the world is mine for the taking and I belong wherever my feet land. I have learned that I can conquer anything with my head held high and I can move mountains with God on my side.

This Italian adventure with my parents has been amazing and eye opening. Throughout the trip I missed my brother immensely. We took family pictures and almost 10 years later it still feels like, and will always feel like someone is missing. This is probably why we’ve taken so few of them since we lost Jacob. Yet, we took them. And will continue to take them. No longer afraid of the feelings and tears that bubble up when we look at the picture but accepting them knowing that he is in our hearts.

I see this moment as a time to prepare for the goodness and opportunities that God is getting ready to place in my life. This is the beginning of Bullocks’ winning season. The southern Italian coast was God’s way of showing us the tip of the iceberg with the blessings He has prepared for us. Anyone can take a vacation however, for years we didn’t see ourselves in places and spaces like the ones we’ve seen this week. We weren’t able to until now. We had no idea it was waiting for us it just took us taking hold, setting our sights and going for what we wanted. In this case a trip but now I realize it’s a lifestyle, a winning mindset, and a limitless expectation.

For years I visualized myself enjoying places all over the world but lacked belief. Lacked the ability, lacked a plan to get there. It took processing my grief and getting a divorce to get me to a place where I could think clearly and focus on myself. A place where I could focus on my true desires. Italy was a break from my daily norm and responsibilities to really hone in and plan for this great shift in my life. Like vacations, I have visualized myself reaching the masses with my words and shining my light around the world. But I’ve lacked belief and lacked a plan... until now.

What about you? Do you visualize yourself in far away places or spaces that are untouchable to you now? Have you set a plan to get there? If not, what’s holding you back? Get over the hurdle as hard as it may be. Let go of what does not serve you and reach your goals. You are made of the same blood, skin and bones as the person you look up to. The only difference is your mindset. Let's all make a change headed into 2020. Start fresh, start over, pick back up or keep going. Wherever you are in your journey embrace it and turn this corner with confidence and belief in yourself that you can handle whatever is on the other side.

To those of you who have followed my journey, smiled at my ups and cried at my many downs I thank you for being there to encourage me up to this point. I'm so excited for the ride that we are going on in this next decade. The same way you saw me living my best life in a beautiful far away land you will see me living a fulfilled life in an incomprehensible way that allows me to touch near and far.

With peace and much love,


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