It’s been so long. How have you been? How's ya momma? Speaking of mommas… you know what, let's start where we left off.
This time last year I turned 30 and truly felt f*ckin weird. It was hard to explain but that was the first time I felt "different" on my birthday. Perhaps I felt like I was stepping into this new phase of life but felt really unprepared and was completely unsure about everything. I began to overthink, become overly critical and was starting to burn out before really getting started. Once March of 2021 came around I noticed that I wasn't doing things with intention and I was tired all the DAMN time. My 60th podcast episode and a positive pregnancy test later, I put the mic down and took a long ass nap.
Yall know what type of nap I’m talking about when you wake up it’s dark outside and you don’t know what dimension you're in.
I woke up from my nap as a 31 year old investment homeowner, a new mother, moved in with my partner, and my peace of mind. Fatigue was my main pregnancy symptom and I was tired of feeling like I was spinning my wheels with content, my business foundation, and where exactly I wanted to go with my career and passion. When I realized that I’m embarking on my biggest journey yet I took some time to rest, focus on myself and growing a whole human.
It was perfect.
So is my baby girl Maven Samara Chaney
Anytime there is massive change in my life it’s necessary for me to become reclusive and do some mental and emotional preparation. I take time to let go of the life I once knew because I know once the change happens there is no going back. Nothing will be the same. (sidenote: I think that’s why the world has struggled with the pandemic. Outside of the many deaths there has been a massive change that no one was able to prepare for. In the blink of an eye nothing was the same and we all collectively had to grieve what the world once was) I think because I’ve had so many traumatic changes in my life I understand the importance of easing into newness and taking my time to grieve.
To clarify, grieving isn’t always a bad thing. I wasn’t sad about entering motherhood. Frankly it’s the best hood I’ve ever been in. I felt it was time to leave some things in my life behind however it doesn’t mean it won’t be missed. I think of it like childhood, I cherish the times I had very little to worry about, being woken up by the smell of breakfast to start the day filled with scooby doo, playing with barbies then playing outside with my friends. I miss the days when I didn’t even know what a bill was! But I would hate my life if I were still doing all of those things. I appreciate my bills. It means I have things suitable for my current position in life. I appreciate the dirty diapers and late night nursing. It means I have someone suitable for my current position in life.
This is the happiest I’ve been since before my younger brother died. I don’t know if I have ever felt more secure in myself and my village around me. I thank God for how far I’ve come in the past 5 years. It’s hard to wrap my mind around how much I’ve changed and how much my situation has changed. It’s a full 180. Knowing how much can change in 5 years, hell much less 1 year I feel this eagerness to reach what’s next for me.
Okay this post is already long and I doubt anyone wants to read a dissertation of all of my thoughts. Here are some future posts and probable podcast episodes to look forward to in no particular order.
The home renovation project with my partner
Duality of being incredibly happy with where I am in life but also not satisfied with where I am in life.
My early and very short labor and delivery
Where we are going on this speaking/coaching/empowerment journey together.
Peace and Much Love,